I wrote this in December, shortly after our huge garage sale. I’m not sure why I never posted it. Probably because it’s hard to admit to being scared. I want to share it now though, because I want to talk about some of the difficulty we’re having finding a suitable apartment, and I think this needs to be out in the open before I start talking about that.
With the bulk of our Big Purge completed, the reality of our future plans is setting in. For those just joining me here, our plans are to give up this “American Dream” of home ownership and move into an apartment. The move will free up about $1000 per month, which we plan to use for activities, adventures, and travel. It will also free up nearly two hours a day for me in commute time.
The benefits are clear, yet I’m frightened as the plans are slowly becoming reality. I fear for my wife and daughter. I won’t be giving up much in the way of personal relationships with this move. Most of my friends are scattered around town and aren’t centered on where we lived. My wife, being a stay at home mom, has developed friendships in our neighborhood with other stay at home moms. She’s also joined several local moms groups, although some of those are waning as these kids enter school. My daughter is living in the only place she’s ever known, with the only friends she’s ever known. My wife and daughter will both have to make new friends as they leave behind relationships that have grown over the past few years.
I’m scared for them, and the challenges they have ahead in making new friends. I know that in the long run, we grow through experiences like this, and that they will actually be expanding their groups of friends, but it still scares me.
Dream will have to give up what was once her dream house. That dream has faded somewhat, but she still really likes our house. We bought our house brand new, and had input into the design. We kept the interior open and spacious. A few years after building the house, we built a swimming pool to our own specifications. There is a lot of “us” in our house. In reality, our house is just a “thing” and it is holding us back from our freedom, but we will miss it, and that scares me.
I’m also scared of the unknown. We’ve lived in apartments before, but in going back to one, there are some unknowns. Will there be other stay at home moms nearby? Will my daughter find quality friendships? Will we feel cramped after coming from a much larger space? Will we regret our decisions?
I “feel” that we are on the right track. Most of what gets done can be undone. I doubt we’d move back to our same neighborhood, but we can always move back into a house if we change our minds.
In the very early stages of our plans to move from a house to an apartment, I asked for guidance. I just put the question out to God, the Universe, my Higher Self, or whatever positive entity might have the ability to answer. I wanted to know if we were doing the right thing. The day I asked the question, there was a big accident on the Interstate, leaving only one lane open. It took me three hours to get home that day.
The next day I asked again. I wanted to be sure. That day they were repairing the road from the accident the day before, and it took me two hours to get home.
The thought of our plans was still heavy on my mind on day three. That day, there was a motorcycle accident that closed all lanes of the Interstate for a short time. I was near the front of that traffic jam, so it didn’t take long to get through, but the message was clear. We are on the right track.
Even with the signs, it’s still scary. It’s a big change, and most big changes are a bit scary. I try to stay focused on the excitement of the whole process, from the purge to the apartment hunting. I know Dream is scared too, and I try to toughen up and reassure her that everything is going to be all right. I know it will be. I believe that everything works out for the better, and this will too.
I just wanted to share some of these feelings with you. Know that if you are planning big things, making big moves, you are not alone. I’m here, doing it too. Know that I’m not always sunshine and rainbows, and that sometimes I get scared too.
I’m encouraged by all the support I’ve gotten from you, the folks reading and commenting. Your encouragement means the world to me, and I appreciate all that you share in the comments sections and on your own blogs. I know the future is bright. It’s bright because people like me and you are making it that way. Thanks for being here and I’m looking forward to lots of great adventures.